Memorial Day: A Veteran’s Personal Reflection
Memorial Day was established in 1868, a few years after the Civil War. An organization of Union Veterans established the holiday, originally known as Decoration Day, as a time to decorate the graves of fallen soldiers with flowers. Through the present day, the solemn holiday is observed in many parts of the world, most notably at Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, D.C.
For many Veterans, Memorial Day elicits a sense of guilt related to the loss of their fellow Servicemembers and, in some cases, a sort of forced repentance. These thoughts only amplify loss and grief, resulting in a dark headspace.
As a Veteran myself, I’ve experienced those feelings. Without fail, up until two years ago, every Memorial Day, I would attempt to punish myself. Whether it was a long road march while carrying a backpack weighing over 60 pounds, partaking in risky behavior, or grueling physical activity, I inflicted physical suffering on myself. At first, I thought I was doing it for all the right reasons. Thoughts such as, “Well, they’re not here; the least I can do is sweat a little and never forget them,” “What’s a little pain when they can’t feel anything at all?” and, “So, why am I still here?” consumed me. My coping mechanism each May was to go through a consistent cycle of repentance. Not only was this a very unhealthy way of coping with trauma, loss, survivor’s guilt, anger, and depression, but my behavior negatively affected those closest to me.
Two years ago, as I was again preparing to repeat the same vicious cycle of repentance, my wife suggested, “Why don’t you take our son with you on your road march?” I was surprised at the idea, but I decided to bring him along after some thought. My son (seven at the time) and I spent the next several hours and five miles talking about the meaning of Memorial Day, sacrifice, selfless service, leadership, taking care of Soldiers, overcoming challenges and fears, building relationships, trust, faith, family and finding purpose for your life.
That day changed my outlook forever, and two years later, my son vividly remembers that road march and our conversations. From that day forward, Memorial Day has been about healthy and positive remembrances for me and my family. This year, we will execute ‘Flags In’ operations at our new home to honor the sacrifice of our fallen. During Salute’s 2022 Walk to Remember, my nine-year-old son and six-year-old daughter will join me in remembering those we lost by hiking (goal of 22 miles) throughout the nature surrounding our community. Finally, I will conduct multiple battle buddy checks (call/text/email/LinkedIn/slack, etc.) with my brothers and sisters who continue to serve on active duty. I will express my sincere gratitude for their selfless service and remind them that service and purpose can be found after the military journey ends. My most important message to them will be to never take one day or anyone for granted and to live and treasure each day as if it were your last.
This Memorial Day, I encourage you to take the opportunity to be grateful for those who have made the ultimate sacrifice in defense of our nation and for the freedoms we all enjoy. In this spirit of gratitude, we must never forget their families and friends who continue to grieve. It is a significant burden to bear, and Memorial Day is every day for them…remember, always.